Drunk Laundry

When you're funemployed, the everyday mundane activities around the house need that extra kick.  That extra kick really means +1 on the alcohol.  Let's all agree - drinking while doing housework just makes the time pass by faster, it's like you weren't doing any work at all.  And it isn't until the next morning that you realized you actually didn't do any housework because you've passed out while Swiffering the floor and actually made more of a mess because you spilled wine everywhere.  Oh well, the maid will get that spot out.


So after swinging by Costco tonight and picking up two fuel can containers of Tide (with Actilift...ohhhhh, fancy!), four boxes of Bounce (static cling really irks my family) and a vat of Margarita mixer, the stage was set for drunk laundry night.


First, it was whites.  Now, whites (the clothes, not the people) are quite delicate and they can become dull quickly if not treated with care (we're still talking about the clothes right?)  Drunk laundry is quite counterproductive when it comes to keeping your whites their brightest.  Trying to hold the wine goblet with one hand while trying to throw in the load of laundry with the other, you're bound to spill a little.  The Hindu Gods got it right, multiple arms really do come in handy.  No worries about that wine, a shot glass full of bleach should get that nasty stain out.  WARNING - DO NOT DRINK FROM THAT SHOTGLASS AFTER.


While waiting for the whites, it was time to open up that Margarita mixer.  Due to the fact that my family is a bunch of alcoholics, a bottle of Jose Cuervo was hiding right behind the the columns of whisky bottles in the "alcohol pit" behind the dining room table.  With a healthy serving of tequila (cough) *half-glass* (cough), some ice and then the mix, the first swig nearly knocked me out.  Apparently, after a month in Taiwan, I've forgotten how to read English - the mix already had tequila in it.  Fuck it.  There were two other loads to get through, I can sip it, right?


After cleaning up after Margarita Madness, the whites were done.  Well, thank god for that Actilift shit and bleach, not one wine stain to be found.  Light colours were next - and as I lifted all of the light colours into the machine, I silently cursed myself for my fondness of light coloured clothing and made a mental note to only buy whites or dark coloured clothing to avoid three loads.  That mental note was quickly wiped away with the next chug of my drink - which I nicknamed Amnesia (no explanation required).


With the whites rolling around in the dryer, and the other load in the washer, it was time for some drunken Draw Something, this great new game I was talked into adding.  It didn't help that I could likely now light a fire with my breath, but my drawings grew progressively worse and worse with each sip of Amnesia.


So it's midnight, and it has taken me about an hour to try to type this entry without massive amounts of spelling or grammar mistakes.  I can barely stand and I doubt I'll get to the darks before I pass out.  Three things I pray for tonight:


1) That the dryer doesn't blow up because I forget to remove the lint from the lint trap before pressing START.
2) That the wet clothes in the washer won't smell like wet rags tomorrow (it happens a lot here).
3) That I'll remember I was doing laundry last night tomorrow morning.


(hiccup) Time to hit PUBLISH.  G'night.