Celebrating Three Anniversaries that Changed My Life

There's something refreshing about the beginning of September.  It's the beginning of the school year  and having been a geek all my life, it was always something I looked forward to.  It's the beginning of fall, my favourite season, especially in North America; the air is crisp enough to wear a jacket (I have an unhealthy obsession with jackets) and sleeping with the windows open requires that extra blanket so you don't catch a cold.

This September marks some important anniversaries in my life.  One involves gaining independence, one involves a loss and one involves a journey of discovery.

It was ten years ago this September that I packed up a minivan full of my possessions, drove down the 401 past hundreds of farm fields to a small city called London, Ontario.  Here, I would attend an amazing university, the University of Western Ontario.  Here is where I would gain independence - no one was accountable for my grades, my bills or how I lived my life except for me.  While there's not much of that Orientation Week that I remember (most likely due to the copious amount of alcohol that was consumed), I remember meeting a floormate who would turn out to be my roommate for the remaining three years and still an incredibly good friend today.  More friends were gained along the way, some were lost, but overall, I was lucky enough to meet some fascinating individuals, some of whom I have had the great fortune of traveling with on my trip around the world.

It was two years ago this weekend that I talked to my grandmother for the last time.  Having battled lung and bone cancer for over a year and a half, she died shortly after collapsing on her way back to her room at the hospital in Los Angeles.  Luckily, I was fortunate enough to have planned a trip to visit her that Labour Day weekend and had a nice chat before she passed.  It was my grandmother that really encouraged me to reconnect with my father's side of the family.  It could have been guilt from all of the mean things that were said and done during my parents' divorce, but her one message to me throughout the entire time she was battling her illness was that I needed to patch things up with my dad.  If it wasn't for her urging and what I believe is her continued guidance on the matter, it wouldn't have led me to where I am today.

And it was six months ago today that I quietly sipped on a gin and tonic while watching Toronto disappear from my window as I sat on my midnight flight to Taipei.  Half excited, a quarter drunk and the remainder anxious, I had no idea what was in store for me in my year off.  I had left a comfortable life for the unknown and having always been the person with a plan, not having one made me feel empty and lost.  It never occurred to me that I was pretty empty and lost all along, even with my plans.  What I was missing was family and having had the chance to be with my dad's side of my family 24/7 for two months made me realize how much I needed these people in my life.  It also marked the start of an incredible journey that would take me to new places I had never seen before like Tibet, Vietnam, Singapore, Malaysia, Portugal, Spain, Croatia and Scotland.  I've experienced some great moments like celebrating with thousands of Spaniards on La Ramblas after their Euro Cup win or taking a dip in Loch Ness while the sun blazed down on us sipping whiskey on the beach.

This weekend has certainly been a time for reflection - this perfect storm of anniversaries have made me appreciate that saying, "everything happens for a reason."  Within the last six months, I've learned a lot about my strengths and weaknesses - these next six months will be about how I take that knowledge and determine what I want to do moving forward.  May more eureka moments occur, and may more truths shed light on paths that need to be followed.

What you shouldn't say to the unemployed

Please don't pity me.

I recently read an article about what to and not to say to a person who is grieving for a loved one.  As I read the article, I saw striking similarities between the grief one experiences with death and losing their job.


In the movie Up in the Air, George Clooney plays a Career Transitions Specialist, who has the grim duty of firing and letting go of people from their jobs.  It's a fantastic film, and well timed having hit the theatres right after the 2008 recession where many people lost their jobs.  In one of the more dramatic scenes in the film, Clooney's character Ryan, coaches a man who's angered by his termination and tells him to look at this situation as a rebirth.


I remember my first experience with a mass layoff - I was at my first agency, all bright eyed and naive to the fact that things like lay offs happen.  Being friends with most people in my workplace, I thought, hey, if you did your job, you'd have a job.  Cue the big Family Feud X button sound and my first "holy crap" moment of advertising.  It was February 2007, I had just been hired as a full time Account Executive the month before after being an intern, and I walked into work on the Tuesday morning full of rainbows and sunshine.  It wasn't until 1030am that I started to realize that something wasn't right, and by the time noon hit, an email went out saying that X number of people were no longer working at the agency and that they were thanked for their service.  I was freaking out internally, but everyone around me didn't bat an eye.  You see, this was so common for them that this attrition email could have been another all-staff about the coffee machine being broken, which in fact would have probably caused more sensationalistic responses.  


While upset, news like this didn't hit as hard as when it happens to people you truly care about, which it did about six months later, when a great friend of mine got fired and I was floored.  I don't think I personally recovered from that news and it certainly left a bitter taste in my mouth, in particular to those responsible for the firing.  No matter, that lovely friend of mine got to live her dream, moved to Paris, and is now more successful than ever (what a rebirth!)


That's the thing with sudden unemployment, while it feels like you've lost a big part of you, there's still an opportunity to start anew.  I'm fortunate that I have never experienced being fired or made redundant, I've voluntarily placed myself in "fun"employment.  However, having experienced friends and colleagues go through the turbulence that is unemployment, I've put a list together of my own of how to treat those that are going through their own transition period.  (PS - this also applies to people who've voluntarily left the workforce...don't treat us like this either.)


DON'T pity them.  We all do it, the pity face.  There's the slight kiss of the teeth, tilt of the head, scruntching of the brow, and sloutching of the shoulders before you reach across the table and cradle their hands with yours with a light shake.  "No touching!" (that hilarious line from Arrested Development) should be strictly enforced when consoling a funemployed friend.  Pity shows the fact that you're in a superior position, another reminder they don't need at the moment.  So drop the looks and the feigned sadness, and smile - that will give them hope that things will be better.

Please don't treat me as if I'm poor.

DON'T treat them as if they're poor.  A friend of mine who I went to coffee with before I left Toronto and I had a great laugh about this point.  She is also in a "fun"employment stage in her life and re-evaluating what is important for her and what's next in her career.  During her conversations with previous coworkers over meals or coffee, an awkward moment comes up at the end of the meal when the other person says, "That's okay, I'll get this one.  You can treat me when you start making money again."  Just because there is not a steady flow of income coming in, does not mean the funemployed are suddenly destitute.  While good intentioned, by taking away their power of paying for their own meals, you take away that person's independence and confidence that they can do things on their own.  If you're a caring friend, rather than a meal out where a bill might cause this predicament, be creative, invite them over for a homecooked meal, or better yet, bring a bottle of wine over to their house and have a nice laugh over 2 or 3 glasses of Jesus juice.  This nice gesture will be appreciated and your funemployed friend will not be the wiser of how you're treating them to a free meal.


DON'T avoid the subject or go to the extreme of always talking about it.  Very similar to helping your friend grieve a death, this point requires tact and an ability to balance your conversations with your funemployed friend.  Avoiding the subject makes you look like you don't care about the situation and going overboard just reminds them that they are stuck in a shitty situation.  Laughter is always appreciated, so is a lot of alcohol.  Be natural and the way you were with them before they got the boot.  


DON'T ask "So... what did you do with your time today?"  Because if you do, don't be surprised when they snap back at you with "I did fucking nothing, okay?!" and run off crying.  So they have a lot of time on their hands, there's no need to remind them of that.  The best thing to do is let them lead a discussion on what their day's activities were or try a different approach like:  "what are your thoughts on doing something fun soon?" - this will either lead them into a discussion on agreeing to do something fun to fill their time or allow them to tell you that they're actually busy with something else.  


After experiencing about 5 or 6 major layoffs during my time at agencies, these four points have been my guiding principles when helping friends through their transition.  You might not agree with some, it'll be great to hear your perspective as to why you do not agree.  

Drunk Laundry

When you're funemployed, the everyday mundane activities around the house need that extra kick.  That extra kick really means +1 on the alcohol.  Let's all agree - drinking while doing housework just makes the time pass by faster, it's like you weren't doing any work at all.  And it isn't until the next morning that you realized you actually didn't do any housework because you've passed out while Swiffering the floor and actually made more of a mess because you spilled wine everywhere.  Oh well, the maid will get that spot out.


So after swinging by Costco tonight and picking up two fuel can containers of Tide (with Actilift...ohhhhh, fancy!), four boxes of Bounce (static cling really irks my family) and a vat of Margarita mixer, the stage was set for drunk laundry night.


First, it was whites.  Now, whites (the clothes, not the people) are quite delicate and they can become dull quickly if not treated with care (we're still talking about the clothes right?)  Drunk laundry is quite counterproductive when it comes to keeping your whites their brightest.  Trying to hold the wine goblet with one hand while trying to throw in the load of laundry with the other, you're bound to spill a little.  The Hindu Gods got it right, multiple arms really do come in handy.  No worries about that wine, a shot glass full of bleach should get that nasty stain out.  WARNING - DO NOT DRINK FROM THAT SHOTGLASS AFTER.


While waiting for the whites, it was time to open up that Margarita mixer.  Due to the fact that my family is a bunch of alcoholics, a bottle of Jose Cuervo was hiding right behind the the columns of whisky bottles in the "alcohol pit" behind the dining room table.  With a healthy serving of tequila (cough) *half-glass* (cough), some ice and then the mix, the first swig nearly knocked me out.  Apparently, after a month in Taiwan, I've forgotten how to read English - the mix already had tequila in it.  Fuck it.  There were two other loads to get through, I can sip it, right?


After cleaning up after Margarita Madness, the whites were done.  Well, thank god for that Actilift shit and bleach, not one wine stain to be found.  Light colours were next - and as I lifted all of the light colours into the machine, I silently cursed myself for my fondness of light coloured clothing and made a mental note to only buy whites or dark coloured clothing to avoid three loads.  That mental note was quickly wiped away with the next chug of my drink - which I nicknamed Amnesia (no explanation required).


With the whites rolling around in the dryer, and the other load in the washer, it was time for some drunken Draw Something, this great new game I was talked into adding.  It didn't help that I could likely now light a fire with my breath, but my drawings grew progressively worse and worse with each sip of Amnesia.


So it's midnight, and it has taken me about an hour to try to type this entry without massive amounts of spelling or grammar mistakes.  I can barely stand and I doubt I'll get to the darks before I pass out.  Three things I pray for tonight:


1) That the dryer doesn't blow up because I forget to remove the lint from the lint trap before pressing START.
2) That the wet clothes in the washer won't smell like wet rags tomorrow (it happens a lot here).
3) That I'll remember I was doing laundry last night tomorrow morning.


(hiccup) Time to hit PUBLISH.  G'night.

Funemployment Joys #1: Lazy Monday.

It's been a while since I've blogged and I have nothing but laziness to blame the lack of posting.  Laziness reared its ugly head again today as I did absolutely nothing.  I have a semi-excuse for my Lazy Monday and it was that I felt under the weather when I woke up (likely due to the 3 servings of fried rice I had at dinner last night), but by lunchtime, the queasiness had left the station, and rather than being a productive member of society, I just decided it was a do-nothing kind of afternoon.  It wasn't that hard to clear my afternoon either, unlike my life two months ago, my schedule is pretty open.

I quite enjoyed my Lazy Monday, I zoomed through two episodes of Band of Brothers, looked for airline tickets to Vietnam while The Da Vinci Code was playing on the TV in the background and when typing letters into a Google search bar became just too much work, a nap was needed to get me through such a trying experience.  I was abruptly awoken from my slumber by a phone call from my dad telling me where we were going out for dinner, otherwise, I would have slept through that too.

Everyone deserves a lazy day once in a while, and I highly recommend everyone to take one, for inspiration, listen to Bruno Mars' The Lazy Song if you have to.  But one shouldn't make it a habit, which is easy to do if you take too many Lazy Days in a row.  My A-Type personality will likely kick my lazy side out of bed tomorrow to at least go to the gym and take a walk around the city or to finish that short story I've been having some trouble finishing.

Sigh, too much thinking.  Time for another nap.

One month of Funemployment

So it was one month ago that I spent my last day at work. A month has passed since I've had to send a work related email, fill out a status document, count revenue towards my jobs, and attend meetings, meetings about meetings, and meetings to discuss meetings about meetings. It certainly is a weird feeling to not have any responsibilities and the associated stress and anxiety that comes along with said duties. Then I realized that the weird feeling is a sense of happiness.

Don't get me wrong, I miss the daily interaction with people - shooting the shit about the day's latest celebrity gossip, sharing the latest viral video, or just being outright inappropriate. The people I worked with were great and I miss them dearly. But at this point, I can never picture myself stepping into an office again. Too much confinement, too structured, too routine.

It's also another anniversary - a shorter one this time, it's been a full week since I've been away from Toronto. Spending time with my family has been a blast, but there's something to be said about being able to hang out and have fun with people your own age. I miss my friends, especially when trying to find new friends in a new city is not the easiest of tasks. The language barrier and the nuances of my tone and jokes are a bit lost on people here, something that would garner many laughs at home. It can't be homesickness - that can't kick in this early, but I have to make more of an effort to put myself out there and take chances and risks to meet new people. Hopefully it'll start with St. Patty's Day next Saturday - still on a quest to find an Irish pub in the city.

Anyway, just a quick note to mark an important date - March 10th - in my year of travels.