I've posted about my mom's side of the family before and also the fracture that happened when my mom and dad decided to divorce. When the divorce happened, I really didn't realize how much everyone on both sides were invested in trying to keep my parents together or split my parents apart.
Over the years, I've been able to dig up more and more information, mostly through my grandmother (mom's mom) who in her last couple of months of her life decided it was important for me to know some truths about the divorce. The news was shocking to hear (that my grandfather, my mom's dad, really wanted my parents to divorce) and that my grandmother's regret was not standing up to him and encouraging my parents to stay together.
This was confirmed by my other grandmother last night at dinner. She and my father's family was always a big fan of my mom's mom, but never of my mom's dad. There's a bit of an unspoken hatred between Mainlanders and the Taiwanese, not just because of the civil war stuff, but more of a status attitude. Since my grandfather was from Shanghai, he had a hard time equating the Taiwanese Chinese (my dad's family) were the same level as him and his family. How sad that this causes such family drama.
But the bigger shock was the revelation that my grandfather was an informant for the government. The only thing that helped lighten this shocker was the fact that my grandmother thought "tattletale" was the correct English term for it. God bless her, she was so close. When she revealed the news, my mind started spinning with questions - who did he work for (I'm assuming it was for the Kuomingtan against the Communists since he had to flee China in 1949), how long was he an informant, why was he an informant and (shudder) did his actions lead to anyone's imprisonment or death.
My mother's side of the family had never explained what my grandfather did and to be fair, I doubt his children would know anything about this either. The only people that know the truth have both passed, and I only have the account of my dad's mom.
I've always had fond memories of my grandfather. He took a lead role in raising myself and my brother before he passed in 1997. It's hard to believe that the man I used to watch hockey with would have a past as dark as this. The times were much different back then. Living through the 2nd world war must not have been easy and my grandfather was an orphan. By passing on information and collaborating, was this the only he could survive? On the one hand, it is hard to judge him for trying to survive, but the thought of how many people were impacted by his actions causes some internal conflict.
When the conversation with my dad's mom ended, we agreed, that the past is the past, but that it was important for me to know and absorb this information. Family histories are never pretty, and plenty of people make mistakes. In the end, you love your family members no matter what and forgiveness comes with time. But knowing what I know now, it's hard to forget the sins of my grandfather and how much sadness his actions created for an unknown number of people and their families.
Fascinating
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